The Countdown

I return to work Monday. Monday. It no longer requires a qualifier. I don't have to say Monday the 25th, a week from Monday, or even next Monday. Its just Monday.

My leave has been extraordinarily generous, and I'm sort of surprised to find myself here. The time has been slipping away from me.

I have four months.

... the end of October.

.... on the 25th.

... a week from Monday.

And now, its just "Monday."

So, I'm having the second, third and fourth thoughts that most (every?) mother has in the last days of a dwindling maternity leave. And this despite the fact that I am so blessed. I have options and choices so many mothers don't have. (I know; I really do.) My employer has agreed to let me return half time. I can afford to be choosy about child care, and I am being incredibly so. She'll be 16 weeks old. Even the choice to return is mine; I don't have to do this at all.

And yet...

My mantra this week: I don't have to do this. If it doesn't work for our family, I can change my mind. We'll just see how it goes.

At Three Months

At almost exactly this time three months ago we met face to face for the first time, you and I. It would be hours more before we'd get to spend any time together, thanks to my fever, but already I could see your face in my mind with no effort at all. Three months later, I know your face and the many emotions that cross it better than I know my own.

There have been a lot of emotions to see. This has been your fussy month. I didn't realize just how fussy you'd been, really, until we spent last weekend at Aunt Megan's and Grandma got to see you first thing in the morning. You are always at your happiest after a good night of sleep, and she was amazed by just how cheerful and content you were. Its true; you have been a little high maintenance recently. Its been a month of sinus congestion and ear aches for you, and so we've had to work a little harder at keeping you entertained and make sure you stay on a good sleep schedule.

Thankfully, we seem to have that worked out, you and I. You are napping very well now. Three times a day you fall asleep with only a little help from me, and you wake up promptly one hour later. (We already knew you had a calendar, and now you seem to have an alarm clock, too.) And at night, you let me know around 7 that its time to start the bedtime routine. A warm bath, nightgown and nursing later and you're dreaming sweet dreams. The next step, though, will be letting someone other than me put you down for bed.

And, because you're sleeping better or perhaps just because you're getting older, you are even happier and more fun when you are feeling well. You still love best to play with us, and you express your joy with your whole body. You can scoot yourself backwards and forwards now, and you're a breath away from rolling over from your back. You also spend even more time on your play mat - grabbing the toys, looking at the animals printed on it or just quietly watching the light and listening to the music. The other day you even decided to nap there. You were laughing and playing, and then suddenly you stretched, rolled over to your side and went to sleep.

We spend alot of time out of the house, too. You love our long walks and spend hours on the Avenue with me. We even had our first play date this month. You loved watching our friend, who is almost two, run around the park and play. I loved watching you follow her with your eyes, bouncing excitedly on our laps and laughing. You are just so much fun.

This is our last month of spending all our time together. In a few weeks, I'll be going back to work for a few hours a day, and someone will be coming to stay with you while I'm gone. While I really believe this is the best balance for us, I'm sure going to miss all this uninterrupted time with you.

Fits and Starts

It's not that I have no time to craft. I could easily take 15 minutes of her naptime or ask my husband to take over for an hour after he gets home. I just don't seem to be able to focus, and so the short spurts I can do aren't getting me very far.
I've almost finished the great Orchid the super-talented Julie designed and kindly taught us at our last guild meeting. I was too distracted by the munchkin on my lap to listen to directions well at the meeting, so I took mine apart to start over at home in the quiet. Its honestly a 15 minute project, but after doing the hard part I stalled. Why? Because I have to remember to get out a little batting and the glue gun when the baby isn't sleeping in that room. Its been in this state for almost two weeks now. Lame. Maybe I'll finish it this afternoon in honor of the guild's Sew Day. It will eventually get finished, because I have plans to use it as part of a Christmas gift. Of course, that will also need to get made eventually...
I also have big dreams of a liberated stars quilt, using the technique taught in the second edition of Liberated Quiltmaking. Or at least to make some star blocks. This is as far as I've gotten. Again, I've been working on this for weeks. If you can call what I've been doing 'working on' it. Mostly I've been fingering these blocks that I cut out several weeks ago and dreaming about the quilt.
My knitting is actually faring a little better, because this is a project I can do with the munchkin on my lap or half spaced out in front of the TV while her Dad has her. This is a prayer pocket for the knitting ministry we have started at church. I haven't made it to a group knit since before the baby was born, but at least I've knit a few rows. Quite a few really. I'm letting the other knitting projects, the ones that take brain power, languish, but this little bit of crafty caring is progressing.

Mostly, though, I'm focused on the munchkin who is developing almost faster than I keep up. That's okay. I figure she's by far the most important project I've ever taken on. And its not like I can relegate her to the UFO pile when I'm not in the mood!