Waiting: Day Five

My family comes over to play.

Waiting: Day Four

Mary Jane booties to match the Matinee sweater.

Waiting: Day Three

Feeling restless today I re-packed the hospital bag, went to Target for new pillows and generally acted like something was happening that I should be prepared for. Then a dear friend, in town from New York, came to visit and saved me from myself. Followed by dinner out with my indulgent husband, it was the perfect remedy to the restlessness.

Waiting: Day Two

Finished.

And I'm glad I took the time to pay attention to details like zig zag finishing the inside edges, changing thread colors when needed, and learning to properly use bias binding to finish the top. The small time commitment of baby clothes are a great opportunity for me to really learn those skills.

Waiting: Day One

I am officially on maternity leave, and the baby is officially not here. So, in addition to many hours spent sleeping and reading, I am filling my day with little projects.

Today's project was finishing the little kimono pajamas I've been wanting to make for weeks. The pants are finished, but I ran in to a problem with my plan to use store bought binding so I could use the blue trim despite not having enough yardage. Apparently, Coats & Clark and Amy Butler do not agree on the definition of 1/2" bias binding. I wasn't willing to venture out to the store by the time I realized that, so this may spill over in to tomorrow's project.

Slow Crafting

While I greatly admire expectant Mama's who churn out adorable baby items for 9 months, I am clearly not that Mama. I do much less crafting when pregnant. I'm too tired, too preoccupied with the rest of the to do list, and just too disinterested in doing anything that can't be done from the couch.
But, I did think she should have more than just two gowns from her Mama, so this weekend I cut out the pieces for little kimono PJs. The pattern is from Amy Butler's Little Stitches for Little Ones. I love her adult patterns and they always go together so easily, so I'm hoping this will be an easy sew. And that I'll get back to it before next weekend.

I am making great progress on this adorable Matinee Sweater from The Expectant Knitter. Its an easy knit, and that I can do from the couch. Or the bed. Or the waiting room. I did knit her another sweater, but I don't like how it came out and I'll probably never put it on her. But this little cardigan, which I'm knitting with bamboo yarn, looks like just the thing to fight the air conditioning chill.
I've also spent alot of time pondering how to make a sling from these fabrics. I bought the bird fabric at least three years ago with an apron pattern in mind. When I decided it wasn't right for that project, I put it away with a baby sling in mind. And then waited several years to get pregnant. Except, now that I am pregnant, all the patterns were for longer lengths of fabric and said you should have a fabric that doesn't have a wrong side. So, could I make it with a lining or would that be too thick for the rings? And, can I skip that extra 1/4 yard they call for, since I'm small? My list of questions was endless, and since some of this is actually about safety it seemed like just experimenting was a bad idea. So, I finally emailed a friend with actual expertise in such things* and begged for advice. And she promptly offered to make it for me as a baby gift. Score!

* True expertise - as in she actually made and sold slings to real customers. I bought one as a baby gift years ago, and it was gorgeous. The Mama said it was really comfortable, too. I don't think she's specializing anymore, but you could ask about a commission through the Etsy shop she and her husband share. You should keep an eye on their shop anyway. Really cool things pop up in there whenever they find a minute for crafting in the midst of life and raising beautiful children.

Still Nesting

We're still spending alot of time cleaning, rearranging and generally trying to fit all the kid gear in to our house. It doesn't help that all this finally got us motivated to install a ceiling fan, fix some plumbing and basically deal with a bunch of other household chores that we'd been ignoring. And, of course, this meant turning upside down the work we'd already done so it almost has to be re-done.

In all of that, I haven't done much sewing. Mother's Day weekend, appropriately enough, was the exception to that. I finished the hand quilting on her bird quilt, which just needs binding now. And, I made her another gown. This is the same drawstring gown pattern. Clearly, this is my current comfort pattern.

I think I may be done with it now, though. The adorable kimono patterns are really calling my name...

Family

When we were growing up, my mother would often tell my sister and I that the only person you get for your whole life is your sister. It was important to her that we have a close relationship, despite a six year age difference and natural sibling rivalry. Her ploy

worked. There is no relationship in my life quite like the one I have with my sister.

So, this week was incredibly special. She had one week between semesters in graduate school, and she came to spend it helping me re-arrange the house and set up the nursery. I took the first half of the week off, giving us five full days to focus on all things baby. Most of the time it was just the two of us, and it was a great chance to be together and share the excitement.

And we did a great job, if I do say so myself.But, best of all, I got to share this incredibly exciting time with my sister. She listened to the baby's heartbeat, felt her kicks and swore she could see my belly grow before her very eyes.

One Down

adorable fabric on the clearance table + an urgent need to have it become a gown for my little girl = antidote to my fear of sewing knits

I definitely have to learn more about edging, but since this is newborn size I don't think she'll be complaining. And its a thrill to this pregnant mama's heart.

Where I Try to Find Words and Fail

I've been trying for a month now to find words for what I'm feeling. Since there is absolutely no missing the baby belly now, I get asked how I'm feeling at least once an hour. My habitual answer is 'great.' And I am. This has been a very easy pregnancy for a desperately wanted baby. I got my wish for a girl, and she has a name. I've knit her a few things and sewn her the cutest little gown. She has two quilt tops that are *this close* to being quilts. Its amazing. And wonderful. And, well, great.

And yet... this preparation? its alot of work, isn't it? My wonderful friends and family have planned baby showers. Three of them, in fact. So, the registry had to get done and so many decisions had to be made. I was amazed by how long it took. And what will be her bedroom has been my work room and our general storage room. So, before I can get to the joy of decorating the nursery I have to clear out that room. And I'm not really sure what to do with that stuff, not to mention that her father and I don't necessarily agree about whether one large piece of furniture can stay in there with her.* Plus it gets harder and harder to bend over to clean things out. And this has been generally not. fun.

That's not really it, though. No, I am not enjoying all the cleaning and reorganizing. I hate living in the cluttered maze of furniture and boxes that inevitably fill up the house during a transition like this. But, I've done it before and with much better grace. In fact, after some help putting together a big bookshelf next weekend, I probably only need another hour or two to have things to the point that the room can be painted. And then my sister is coming to spend several days helping me set up the nursery and create a work space for myself downstairs. I should be feeling relieved and getting excited about the fun part now. And I am. Kind of.

This feels different than just my environment is in disarray. It is different. The fact that her basted and marked quilt is sitting here without a stitch in it nearly two weeks later, two weeks in which of done plenty of couch sitting, says alot about how much inertia I feel. And yet, I am excited about this baby and the fact that she'll be here in 11 weeks or so. I am.

So, a month after I first tried to write this post, and I still can't find the words.

I'm blaming it on the hormones.

*Let me hasten to say that he's said it goes, if I say it goes. He's not arguing with me over anything I want to do. Its just that he's repeatedly asked why it has to go, whether we'd really be able to find something smaller that would still serve the purpose and 'just why are we moving that big thing again'. I know he both believes those things and really doesn't want to move it since it will be a serious pain in his rear, and while I really want it out of there I'm not sure he doesn't have a point. We've agreed it stays until the baby furniture is in there and I start trying to arrange it. If I can't make it work in a way I'm happy with, he'll get rid of it.

At 32 weeks

For the last few weeks, I've found myself saying that "I just feel so pregnant." I continue to be blessed with a remarkably easy pregnancy, so I'm definitely not complaining. It does sneak up on me, though. I'm not sleeping well and so by the end of the day my body just feels so heavy that all I want to do is lie down. Speaking of heavy, this daughter of mine seems to have had her 2nd trimester growth spurt and my belly feels so stretched and big. My back hurts, just a nagging ache that I know is about both not finding a good sleeping position and that heavy belly. I am amazed by my appetite, and the constant heartburn that accompanies it. (If this kid isn't born with a head full of hair, I'm going to be shocked.) The baby still does cartwheels through my uterus, but her new favorite game is to wedge herself in to a corner where she becomes a very painful lump. And yet... its so cool. It must be the only time when physical discomfort is as thrilling as it is uncomfortable. There's a person growing in there.

And I'm her Mom. I realized today that I've stopped thinking of myself as just a pregnant woman, and I've started to think of myself as her mother. I'm guessing its something about the reality of the growing belly and the strong movements. But, whatever it is, there is no question that I feel like a mother now. And I will never again not be a mother. Even if tragedy should strike, she will always have been my child and me her mother. I know this feeling will grow and that what it means to me will change dramatically come July, and then again a hundred times after. But for right now, I'm just trying to wrap my mind around what my heart already knows. I'm a mother.

Motivation

That growing belly and the increasingly strong (and oh so frequent) kicks remind me that this baby will outgrow my body in the next twenty weeks, give or take. I have never known stronger motivation to keep to my gym schedule. I want to be healthy for myself and this baby. I need the strength to care for this baby when she arrives. I feel better when I go to the gym. But, what gets me there after a long day at work, is the reality that labor is just around the corner. And so, I go.

* This photo is me fresh from a work out. Perhaps not the prettiest pregnancy photo we've taken, but definitely among the most accurate.

at 17 weeks

I want to remember...

:: my hand resting on the swell of my tummy without thought, part of me always aware

:: how my husband's excitement fills every corner of our life

:: his tenderness with me and how very anchored in our marriage I feel, so strongly a couple as we stand on the cusp of becoming three

:: that life seems the same, is the same, but the world feels different

:: wondering how I never noticed before the huge responsibility of naming
:: how the aches and twinges are suddenly signs of a miracle
:: waiting impatiently for those first flutterings, the quickening